"Just because you can't understand something, it doesn't mean it's wrong"

Hey Mr Andy! It is 2018 now. Time really flies fast, right dad? Soon, it's going to be 4 years you've left all of us. I miss you dad. Never once I stop thinking about you. You know, there’s so many ups and downs in the year 2017. If only I could tell you about everything. But I did right, ayah? Remember when we came and visit you, in silence, I told you everything that I’ve been dying to tell you. How hurt I am and stuffs. Yes dad, I wanted to run away from everyone and everything. I just want to disappear myself because I couldn’t take it anymore. I feel so weak that all I wanted to do is to curl myself and just go to sleep without having to wake up and face the world. But I know, I can’t do that. It’s wrong for me to be so selfish to think of that. After all that had happened, I just find myself hard to trust anyone. Slowly, I’m getting tired of always being the one who gives in. and it’s hard for me when I’ve put lots of trust in you but you decided to break that trust. It’s just so hard for me, ayah.

Remember when I had post something about me missing my friends? I’m still missing some of them, I missed those people that had left and removed me from their life. It hurts me when I’m the only one thinking of them. To think about what had happened in the past, trust me ayah, my heart still aches. I’m so tired of feeling this way, ayah. It’s not that I wanted to have this feeling in me but it somehow comes naturally. You know, it comes to a day when I’m tired of hearing people saying sorry all over again. So tired of hearing them saying sorry to the extend where sorry means nothing to me.

“Am I that bad for doing all these?” “Why do I easily forgive those that hurt me?” “Why is it so easy for me to put a trust on people when all they did is lying to me?” “Why are they keeping things from me?” “Why am I always being the left out one?” “Why are they lying to me when I already know the truth?” “Why are they sugar-coating the lies instead of brutally telling the truth?”

Never the less, ayah, I am thankful to Allah for giving me the opportunity to find out the truth by myself. Although it hurts me, I still manage to fake a smile and laugh out everything in front of everyone. There’s so many things that’s going around in my head, ayah. You know, it comes to a point where I’m tired with all these dramas when all I want is to be happy and drama-free life. I just want the old times back but I know I can’t turn the time back. Even if I can, I wish to turn back to the time when you always gave me a hug knowing I had so many things in my mind that I can’t share with anyone else beside you. I just miss myself crying my heart out while you’re hugging me tightly and tell me, “Everything will be alright soon, ifa. Be strong and heads up. Don’t let negativity take over your mind.” Sigh. Its 0140hrs, ayah. I need my sleep since I have school tomorrow. I shall continue soon. I miss you, Mr Andy!